I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
