so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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