even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
