fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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