Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
