I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
