Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
