someone owes me an orgasm
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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