so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize