They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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