He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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