Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
