Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
