And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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