Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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