u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
