No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
