just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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