I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
