WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
