So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Are we still banned from the library?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
