I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
