how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
