Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
