Whod you bang
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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