I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
