no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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