After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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