More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize