Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
