let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
try to milk me bitch
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