North Korea, Best Korea!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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