State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
