I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize