Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
