You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
