I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
