She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
