i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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