What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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