so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
