Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize