Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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