I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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