He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
