I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
