cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sarcasm needs its own font
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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