Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
