he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
