So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
