please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
