I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
