Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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