All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
