They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
