Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
