so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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