Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
