Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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