I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
