Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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