my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
