dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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