To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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