We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
