so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
