Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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